Sick.... 2nd MC in 5 days

Gosh... I woke up with a fever. My head hurt. Pain in the chest. Throat is sore n dry too. Hmmm... I m sick... for a weeek.. Did not recover even after visiting the doctor last Thurs. Well, how would I recover... Been drinking alcohol continuously since, even after taking the flu n cough tablets.

I'm sick, maybe itz becus I do not want to work. I am unable to concentrate. Ill physically, mentally n emotionally. Feel so lonely.

Tessa is occupied with her school work. Kat is away in Batam. Laven is in JB n Tam is gone. Dunno wad to tell Lionel, how to confide in Sam? Best of all, I called up some of the old friends.. Pp I noe in the past who will be there if u need company in drinking.. N I drank...

Gotta wake up after today. Rested enough, I hope. Everything should be back in the right track by now. Spent the whole of today's afternoon glued to the TV. Finished the Journey to the West Series... Watched a bit of Bourne Supremacy.. Finished the Hot Chick, Played the Cinderalla story. Well.. Cool plot.. But that would never be me.

"Once upon a time... could happen anytime" to everybody else.

Hey Hey!!! DUn Like to be so Pessimistic... I M A CHEERFUL PRINCESS!!

=)

Alll the way!!

PS: If u see this, I just wanna tell u. BELIEVE IN LOVE. LiVE WELL.. THere will be a day when we would be the Star of our Lives. =P ALso, the photos are out. Remember the one we took that nite outside Bourbon Strreet?

She has let go of the string......

The day finally came...

She didnt know there would come one day that she would be strong enough to defy him. To her, his wishes were her commands. Nothing could not be achieved, nothing could not be done... whenever he wanted to see her, she would put down everything that she's doing, everyone that she's with to rush to his side.. She had disregard the thoughts n feelings of those around her for him.. only to earn the same disregard from him.. "Woman, is the stupidest fool on earth, has the lowest IQ when she is in love..." quoted some Egoistic man... But she felt that woman is the stupidest fool when they are involved in unrequited love...

"What would happen to us when you have a girlfriend or when I have a boyfriend?" She asked innocently, clinging on to the last hope that he would say something different. But he Didn't. After all this while, he had made sure that she knew fully that they could only stay as they were... nothing more than just close friends... But she had given more than what she had thought initially... Retribution --- this appeared in her mind.. Someone ever told her this.. someone whom she had torn his heart apart... Is this true?? Reluctant to believe this... As love is always fair... the only unfairness is that timing is never right.. "Given another time, we would be together..."

"I hope I can tell you I love you, but the thing is I don't feel love at all" Great! she thought... My Love is not Strong enough to break that self-constructed barrier of his. How am I the same to all those bitches.. Well, I m a slut..

However strong I may be, I am battered...I bled. I cried.

Never have I allowed myself to cry since 17... Never have I though I would cry when I turn 21... Never... would.. I .. have .. thought... I ... would... meet.. him.. after .. so ... long...and fell in love... with ... him...

Thank you for crossing my path. Thank you for giving me that string, the string that was never attached to your heart.... The string that I have let go....

Pieces of me....

tattered slut who has let go of the string

nothing better to do

nothing better to do

Friends - Boring Blog... dun mind

Friends.... people whom we always take for granted... but since all of us take friends for granted... it shud be fine.. Fair treatment, ar..

Friends are only around if you need them.. Why I say that? When you dun need them, who are friends.. you will start to categorise... "They are of better terms with me than the rest, cus they spend more time with me, thus they are my best friends.. This bunch of khakis never hangout with me, thus they are my Hi-Bye Frens.." I m not good with words, worse with expressing through writing.. Just wanna be crude for once.. I think i treat my frends damn good.. At the same time, I m also taking them for granted.. Thus i DUn reallY get to keEp a lOt oF gOOD frens.. pp will remember me cus i m friendly n easy going... never becus i m true to them at heart.

i belongs to the meat friends... haha only pp will call me out to club.. seldom pp callls me for consolation.. cus i never do that.. Always think that one cant be weak.. Not many has seen the weaker side of me.. Stopped crying in public when i was 17. Learnt that tears are for my pillows.

Dunno y, i am sceptical today. Now alone in the office... wanting to find somebody to have dinner with.. but I have nobody in my mind.... Sad...

Friends... are not always there for you.. but who else is.... only solution.. make more friends.. make sure every other time, pp are there for you... !!! Haha!!!

Ever heard of this saying... "If you have 5 close friends @ your deathbed when u die, u have not lived in vain.." Will I have 5 friends by my deathbed??? Does that mean that i have to die young, to die before them in order not to lose anyone??

Some things for thought... AGing... with friends??

Love,
Friend

What's Love...

Maybe I have been left single for too long... Maybe I am not as independent as I make myself out to be... Maybe I am weak... Maybe I am not the New Age Woman... Maybe... Maybe...Maybe I am just a girl...

Hated myself for being troubled by affairs of the heart... worse still, troubled by complex details and ties and matters that are of no benefits to me... I am losing in this game.. no matter how I play it.. No chances of winning. I have been stupid to think that the old saying should work in this game of the new century adolescents, sincerity works... my foot! Nothing helps! Don't ever believe in fair play.. Nothing of the sort. If life is fair... U n I wun be looking at this cold hard monitor.. trying to know more about pp's life.. Be envious of their happiness and Sneer at their downs.. like this blog.

Nobody's around to lend me his chest when i need to lean.. Nobody to hug me when I am feeling empty n intimidated...Nobody's arm to hold when I am walking down the street, leisurely... TO rush to nobody when he's drunk n bored. Once in awhile, to have Nobody to kiss me goodnite.. Having sleepless nites about Nobody....

WHy do I submit myself to such treatment... Initially I thought this is fair to both, nothing to lose. As I started out with nothing... but gosh, I forgot I am a woman.. A Woman in need of love.. HAHA.. Succumbing to anyone who comes along and drops her a string of concern n time..but she never realise that this string will never be strong to take her weight.. this string will never carry her along with him...for when he cannot take the load & burden of commitment, he will let go of the string.. drop her... He's not cruel. this has been made known to the woman right from the start; For, if he ever meant to take her along with him all his life, he will carry her on his back..... Pathetic...

Whilst in order to stay on the string for as long as one can, she has to please him... struggles to walk in his stride, put on a cool front, fakes the oblivions and fakes disregard for all those nitty gritty stuff.. whereas he's no idea that it's those nitty gritty stuff n actions that sweetens a relationship, that will touch a woman's heart...She has to pass off disapproving remarks for those stereotypical words n phrases, dismissing them as lame... but itz all this mushy & "conventional" dialogues that brings you back to the classic dating scenes as always shown on screens & in fairytale.. Who doesn't want a knight in shining armour, who doesn't want a night under the millions of star, on a vast field... who doesn't want to be princess...who doesn't like these sweet phrases n words that strengthens n bonds two person closer as days goes by.. But We lack those, thus after 6 mths... we are still - good friends...

Be it, For if it is any other time, I would be living better off than now...

Fuck Nobody...

Love,
The Woman pulling the string

Photos!!!

See here for the pics

Check this out

Get to know the REAL you by crash_and_burn
Your Name
You Are A:	Loner
Your Favorite Band/Song	Rilo Kiley - Papillon
You Like To Read:	Religious literature
You Firmly Believe In:	Love at first sight
Everyone Thinks You Are:	You don't have any friends
You Were Conceived:	Next to a fireplace
You Will Marry:	The high-school slut
Quiz created with MemeGen!

The Buffet Dinner on 11 Sep

Wanted to blog but was too late, thus now a recap of events.

The night before 10 Sep...

Was on the phone for hours with Kat. We had gone shopping @ Bishan with Vivian after our audition @ Kallang. Bought a few clothes and stuff. While on the phone, we were also occupied with the DIY Nail Art that we had bought earlier on. She's telling me wad to look out for and the procedure of this manicure, and me, eagerly listening in... Spent more than 4 hours before i got my nails done (including the toenails!!) Phew... I'm tired..

He called.. (to protect his identity, hereafter, he shall be named Tam) Tam was drunk and asked me to meet him.. but alas, i'm occupied with my nails, cant leave or move around.. most imptantly, the next day is my BIG DAY... I planned to sleep early thus i did not club... but now itz already 3am.. i dun wanna go out. Me n Kat planned to jog early in the morning.. Hope he understands... If possible, i would like to meet him too... Din see him for 3 weeks.

Called him (to protect his identity, hereafter, he shall be named Laven) Laven was sick, down with a flu.. poor thing..

Anyway, nails dry le. Time to sleep.

The BIG Day 11 Sep....

Supposed to meet Kat @ 8am but.. only woke up @ 8.30am. By the time i reached her place, it's 10 am. Without losing any more time, we went downstairs to jog.. No warm up + not enough sleep the day before... both of us were out of breath in abt 10 mins. We had completed more than a round at her n'bourhood. (Esp me.. my muscles are still aching till now) Thus we went back to her place to rest, slack n gossip. It's been long time since i last gone to another gal's place to sit n tok.. i've not been to tess & eve's place for more than 2-3 yrs bah...

After showering @ her place, we went to buy cake, alter her pants and rush home to dye my hair. Michael came at this time. We went Seng Song after my dyeing session (I dyed SUPER BLACK) Nice chap, sent me around to buy my stuff and helped me carry the carton of beer fhome from Seng Song. But too bad, he cant stay for the buffet. Diana came in oso at this time. Went back home and both gals started cooking. frying beehoon adn the jelly.. Me?? Supervising!! haaha! I helped to cut the carrots and mm... giving ideas... heee... and taking pictures! My mum did help.. She's all praises for these 2 gals cus her bao bei (i.e. Me) never ever even fry rice for her.. haha.

After things are almost done, we are all beat. Sat down adn listen to music.. hmm... Tessa n bryan came.. She gave me a chain and diamond pendant from Sookee.. Was a bit angry that she din come earlier, but how could i bear to be angry at her for long... still so pretty.. muackz..

Henry came too. my AIA agent. Nice Chap. It's his 2 yr anniversary with his gf oso. Thus he din stay long! Hope he will have a good time!

The crowd din come till 7 plus.. not many turned up too. kinda expected.. But this doesnt reflect my PR skills k!!! +) just that they are not free...+(
Ricky came. But he din mix with kat they all.. =

Lihao came with Alladin.., then kenny, then my uncles, Pengsiang & Guanzhong, ANdrew with Raymond, Junhao with Eric, then Samantha & Jiahui (Diana's bf) MAtt & Thomas, Dylan came too... hmmm... not bad...mostly guys
ahahaha Lionel came towards the end. Jojo came with lawrence, huayi & huasheng... FInally cAke cutting~!

I chged into a dress.. meant as a surprise.. DIn even let Kat n Tess see.. though afew times i coundnt control and contain and almost showed them, but luckily i managed to suppress eventually..

Whoa, i knew i looked pretty and different from the look from my guests.. Thats teh effect i want! Hmmz.. too bad Tam cant see it..

In the end, we went KTV and Laven saw it... we had a peaceful n sweet nite...

Just an update to the event on that day.. nothing detailed. WIll be uploading the pics when done! Leep u informed.

I m 21 already but I m not happy

Beaming with excitement, unable to contain the joy.. Impatient while anticipating the day to come... That's me for the past weeks esp so for the past days... And that Big Day finally come.

I had alot of plans for my this year bdae. I don't deny that I'm someone who loves attention and crowds, but I am even more for the idea of having all ur frens to be wif u on ur special day. Yet, nothing is smooth sailing in this world, when I am all alone trying to plan. Eve has her sister and brother-in-law to get the Chevron's chalet last year and they paid for it. Kat's chalet is in January and it seems that her sis has got it booked as well. But.. me... gotta do it all by myself and with my own hard earned cash..

Was in love with the Holiday Chalet @ Sentosa but it was fully booked when i called. Thought of holding a buffet cum bbq @ Safra Yishun or OCC.. Went to check for the facilities and had a great idea of "Poolside Bday party!" but.. *GASP*GOSH*WOW*HAIZ*.... its 2400 for a party of 50... well poolside party still belongs to the rich gals.

Anyway, after much discussions with my mum and kat & lionel... finally i settled for buffet @ my place. Not a bad idea as i could also call my relatives. As mentioned above, nothing is smooth for me... Paternal side, one of my cousins had blinded one of her eyes thus she may be still grieving. I feel for her. Another cousin getting married on the 15 Sep 04. Hmm according to traditions and superstition, she's not supposed to attend any red / white festivals now to avoid "clash". Maternal side, one of my mahjong khaki, my eldest cousin need to serve the 49 days of her father-in-law, thus cannot come, as this clashes too... alamak.. so many pp dun wanna come...

Anyway the buffet is set on 11 Sep 6pm, with the help of kat & the brochure. Sweet darling, offered to help me cook in case not enough food. I m growing dependent on her.

SMSed all my frens, posted in friendster & multiply... 1 way is to announce the coming of my 21st bdae to my frens, another is that i really dun mind to have online buddies to come. Use this opportunity to meet up. Else i m usually busy @ work. Hmm.. dun think many will come as most are not confirmed. Haiz... Am i that pesty? Nobody likes me???

As the days creeped nearer, i discovered that a lot of pp celebrating bday this week, esp on 11 Sep. Or they will be having wedding dinners... more absentees....

Lester, is going to miss my bdae.. dun think he ever miss one, since i knew him. Loyal buddy Funny guy too.. hmm.. Glad to see he is happy with his joey... (spell right?)

Carina & Tessa & Eve will be here for sure.. these 3 have a special place in my heart.. so special that i can be away from them for long period of time but when i contact them once in a blue moon, that feeling that surges up is still strong and warm..

Lionel, Kat, & Sam will be here too.. great Pals. Been around me when i need their company. Our friendship is growing stronger and firmer. It will be perfect if plus more trust n luck in our life.

The YTSS guys will be here too.. Surprised that after so long, i am actually more in contact with Aladdin & Lihao than Jiebin & SIhao... haiz.. time changes situations. guanzhong, andy sim, zhiyong etc are still here.. those gone are hanxiang....vivian....wilson....youliang....

hmm.. I will just wait for that day to arrive.. told myself not to harbour too much hopes.. be pleased that those above are coming. Others who do come are bonus. Shows that i m not being ostracized after all....

PS: but someone is sailing and wun be coming... was very sad when i heard about the 3 months trip... luckily itz not real..

Peace out again...

Tracey

Juz cant get this darn thing out!

Has gotten the lyrics of the black eyed pea from my polymate, Carolyn. Thus would like to share it on blogspot. Who noes, i m experiencing probs with the upload part.... OMiGod... N i Haf no idea wad to do man... helpless...

From 3pm till now 6pm.. i m still trying... poor me....

Maybe its the file size?? Or, did i check / uncheck any settings?? Was it the content??

bloody hell. no idea.

Peace.

Fuck

Where is the Love

what's wrong with the world mama?
people livin like they ain't got no mamas.
I think the whole world's addicted to the drama,
only attracted to things that'll bring the trauma.
overseas, yeah, we trying to stop terrorism,
but we still got terrorists hear livin in the USA,
the big CIA the blood through the cripts of the KKK.
but if you only have love for your own race,
then you only leave space to dicriminate,
and to discriminate only generates hate,
and when you hate then you're bound to get irate.
madness is what you demonstrate,
and that's exactly how anger works and operates.
man, ya gotta have love to set it strait.
take control of your mind and meditate.
let your soul gravitate to the love ya'll
{chorus-justin} people killin, people dyin, children hurtin, you hear them cryin.
can you practice what you preach, and would you turn the other cheek?
father, father, father help us send some guidance from above.
these people got me, got me questionin,
where is the love?
(where is the love, where is the, where is the love, the love, the love)
it just ain't the same.
all ways have changed.
new days are strange.
is the world still the same?
if love and peace are so strong,
why are there pieces of love that don't belong?
nations dropping bombs.
chemical gases fillin lungs of little ones,
with ongoing suffering as the youth die young.
so ask yourself, is the lovin really caused so I can ask myself,
really what is goin on in this world that we livin in people keep on givin in makin wrong decisions,
only visions of a different end not respectin each other I and my brother a war's goin on but the reason's undercover the truth is kept secret and swept under the rug if you never know truth then you never know love where's the love ya'll? (
I dunno know) where's the truth ya'll? (I dunno know)
{chorus} I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder as i'm gettin older
ya'll people gets colder most of us only care about money-makin
selfishness got us followin the wrong direction wrong
information always shown by the media
negative images is the main criteria
infecting the young minds faster than bacteria
kids wanna act like what they see in the cinema
what ever happened to the values of humanity?
what ever happend to the fairness and equality?
instead of spreading love we spreading animosity
like us understanding leading us away from unity
that's the reason why sometimes i'm feelin under
that's the reason why sometimes i'm feelin down
there's no wonder why some times i'm feelin under
gotta keep my faith alive till love is found
{chorus}

Senorita

Hmm... ponderz.. this is my 1st blog in here.. after the old account is removed.. contains too many depressing events and thoughts, not that healthy to my image.

More to come in the short future.

Read my darling Kat's blog.. kinda touched. at the love for writing (crapping) the many flashy thoughts that she managed to put down in words.. i wanna do it too.. The last account is more of a diary. Thus it belongs to only me.. This is for all of u.